"T" For Texas

Disclaimer: The following is not intended to denegrate or in any way to make fun of Texas or Texans. It is written in such a way to emulate and pay tribute to the beautful and wonderful Texas drawl, with inspiration drawn from the late, great Waylon Jennings, King of the Hill, and my little sister. Please take it as a compliment, and please don't shoot me for trying.

Tell yew what--ah'm lookin' forward to the big race in Teyaxas this Sunday comin'. Yawl know that thar's goin' to be some real big Teyaxas action. T for Teyaxas, T for Terry. Teyaxas Terry Labonte. He'll be retarrin' from racin' after Sunday, but ah b'lieve he'll give us one ha-ell of a show. Tell yew what! Eyup!
Teyaxas Motor Speedway is sorta lack thuh one in Atlanta, but it ain't thuh same. Thar's a transition 'tween thuh fav percaint bankin' on thuh straitches and thuh twenty-fawr percaint bankin' on thuh tarns that's big as Teyaxas. Jus' axe Jeff Gordon. He don't lack thuh track none a'tall. Don't matter no ways, he's from Caly-forny.
Tell yew what--that thar Kasey Kahne is durn good at Teyaxas. Not that he's in containtshun for thuh champeenship any more, but that ain't gonna stop him from tryin' to win. If thuh boy has a good car, and if he has good luck, he could runna way with thuh race.
Then thar's good ol' Dale Earnhardt, Jr. He's got a durn fair shot at bein' thuh champeen, and Teyaxas is wahr he dun got his first win. He should be doin' somethin' rat good Sunday. Eyup!
Don't fergit 'bout mah boy Denny Hamlin. He lacks our good ol' track in Teyaxas. Shore as shootin', he's durn good, and he's got a whole mess of confidence, now that he is on his good tracks. Ah'm pickin' Hamlin to be thuh winner, come Sunday, if good ol' Teyaxas Terry don't take it.
Tell yew what, Matt Kenseth can do 'bout anything on any track. Yawl know that the #17 team is durn good.
Mah money is on that he'll do everything he can to keep his points lead.
Ah think Kyle Busch can just 'bout hang it up. If he does good, things go bad for him. It's just been a bunch of gawdurn bad luck fer him
Ah seem to be repeatin' mahself week after week, whenever ah talk 'bout thuh Chasers, so, for now, ah'll skip thuh rest of thuh top teyen, and talk 'bout some of thuh other drivers who'll be doin' good.
T for Teyaxas, T for Tony Stewart. Tell yew what, that ol' boy can wheel a car anywhere. Thuh transition 'tween thuh straights and thuh tarns ain't gonna bother him none, and wahr it's needed most, Ol' Smoke can just stick that car to thuh bottom of thuh track lack no other. And TMS is wahr that's needed most.
Bobby Labonte, Teyaxas Terry's brother, is workin' perty durn hard to bring Petty Racin' Enterprises back to the glory of old. He just keeps gettin' better and better at doin' that. Ah think he could at least take another top five finish in Teyaxas.
Tell yew what--Greg Biffle has always done good at TMS. Three yars ago, he pract'ly owned that thar track. Ah reckon it's 'bout time his gawdurned bad luck run out and his good luck start. His crew chief, Doug Richert, shor knows how to set up a car for that track. Ah wouldn't be too durn dissappointed if he wahr to win thuh race.
Ah'm still tickled plenty 'bout thuh retarn of Ward Burton to racin'. He's a good ol' boy from Virginia, who can drive a race car perty durn good. He will be tryin' to bring thuh #4 Morgan-McClure team back to thuh success it had in thuh good ol' days.
In eight yars, thar have been 'leven different winners at TMS. That just goes to show yew how tough a 1.5-mile oval can be, 'specially if'n it's in Teyaxas. Thuh winner, 'sides gettin' a few bucks, gets a pair of real shootin' arens. Of course, tha'r loaded with blanks, so thuh winner won't pull a Dick Cheney while celebratin' a victory.
Tell yew what--to get the entar effect of watchin' the race, get some good Teyaxas barbeque to eat durin' the event. If'n yew live in Teyaxas, or are goin' to thuh track, stop by Angelo's, if it's still thar (it was last time Ah checked, but that was some time ago). Teyaxas has thuh best barbeque in thuh world, and Angelo's is thuh best barbeque in Teyaxas. It's rat near the track, too, located somewhars in Fawt Worth.
If'n yew cain't get genuwine Teyaxas barbeque, yawl can make some good Teyaxas style chili con carny in
yawl's very own home. Brown two or three pounds of groun' beef, drain thuh grease, if'n yew have a hankerin' to do so, and mix thuh meat with 'bout a third a jar of red chili powder. Add, 'bout a palmful of cumin--be sure to crush thuh seeds--a clove of garlic, minced, and one medium size onion, chopped fine to medium. Toss it into a stew pot with 'bout two quarts of water, bring to a boil, then lower thuh temperature and simmer, covered, for 'bout two hours. Stir occassionally, and add water when necessary. Don't be afeared to expeer'ment--Ah lack to add a few dashes of Louisianna Hot Sauce, or somethin' lack that. Even a litter bit of steak sauce can be yer own secret ingredient. Once, Ah accidently dropped some seegar ashes in thuh pot, and it added some durn good flavor. Tell yew what--REAL CHILI AIN'T GOT NO BEANS. Double thuh recipe fur two people, triple fur three, and so on.
Eyup.
Yawl should have plenty of good ta-kill-ya and Lone Star Beer on hand, 'specially if'n yer watchin' thuh race on tee-vee. DRINK RESPONSIBLY IF YOU DRIVE, AND DRIVE RESPONSIBLY IF YOU DRINK. Yaw'l might wanna load the CD player with plenty of Waylon, and put thuh tee-vee on "mute." Waylon was thuh best singer/songwriter ever, even if yew don't have much hankerin' for country or western music.
Eyup.
And, oh yeah, GO COWBOYS!